all i can say is this:

1.) Only days left until SEND: Camden 2010. If 2009's trip was any indicator of how this one will go, it's sure to be another one of the best experiences of my life. 2.) I still run on Dunkin' most of the time, but I now also have a particular fondness for Boston Donuts on Park Ave. Khalua Creme or Almond Joy iced coffee can sometimes put hazelnut to shame. 3.) Unsure if I'm feeling up to the challenge of forgoing Facebook for forty days and forty nights another time around. 4.) Ever wonder how LCD screens work? Ever care to know? It's not all that exciting, trust me. 5.) The age of technology has put us in constant contact with one another. Sometimes I wonder if that's always a good thing. The more technologically advanced we get, the more we drift away from the simpler joys in life. 6.) Turns out Khaki-Beige Puke doesn't show up on anybody's list of favorite colors. 7.) Ever see those TV ads by Autism Speaks? The estimated prevalance of autism spectr

Nicki got us all Christmas gifts. They're little coin jars, each one painted with a cute theme picked to match the receiver. Kim's jar is a Wine Fund, Becca's is Vacation Money, Maggie's is for Happy Hour and mine is for Hopeless Dreams. I laugh. It's a good gift, not at all offensive because I'm forever complaining about wishing & hoping for things I can't have, things that most likely won't happen. To me, this is great, because it's someone else besides myself acknowleging that a lot of the time, when I find something in life that I really want to happen, the joke is on me. Now, I have a way to take my wishful thinking and transform it into something I can use as a financially-struggling college senior: a jar full of spare change. While still laughing, I start taking change from off my desk and placing it into the jar. I proudly dedicate each coin to one of my many Hopeless Dreams, like the jar instructs me to. Nicki shakes her head, laughs, an

yeah. i picked my stupid topic. not like i had much choice in the matter, though. it's been staring me down since last friday night saying "pick me. just suck it up and do it already. i don't care if you don't want to, you HAVE to." 4. WHAT KEEPS US FROM GOD? SIN AND FORGIVENESS: Talk giver must be open about his/her sins; how did your behavior hold you back from fully living your life? What effect does sin have on your personality? On the larger community? What is your experience with forgiveness and the freedom that comes with it? What has your experience with the sacrament of reconciliation been like? How does it feel to know that God forgives you? oof. quite honestly, the thought of "sharing" about my sinfulness with a group of confirmation kids and a handful of my own peers & friends makes my stomach knot up big time. i've done a lot of stupid things in my life--stupid things that i don't want to tell people about for fear of judgment. n

**Note: My mom has been telling me I should write here more often. She's probably tired of trying to convince any relatives that possibly pay attention to this thing that I'm not depressed.Well...I'm not depressed. I'm doing quite well, actually. I'm just busy, which is a good thing. So after dropping off the face of the earth for a while and taking a quick break from feelings, here's something new. Enjoy, and I hope it proves I'm not depressed.** It's Thanksgiving Eve. Cold and rainy, and the streets of Downtown Crossing are already decorated for the holidays. The Salvation Army is out in full force and every store is blaring a different version of Jingle Bells. Liz and I are eating quesadillas at Fajitas and Rita's. We're carefully avoiding talk of "the future," because that's just not polite dinner conversation for two seniors in college. But it's on both of our minds, and it's bound to come up eventually. The challenge i

i drove south and east for an hour. just me. i didn't stop until i was there, until it was right in front of me. the sagamore bridge. one of the most easily recognizable symbols of summer in new england. over that bridge, everything melts away and washes out to sea. all you have to do is feel the sand under your toes, the warmth of the sun, the cool ocean water on your skin. all you have to do is smell the freshness of the air and listen to the people laugh. all you have to do is stand on the shore and look out at the vast open horizon in front of you, picture yourself in comparison to the atlantic ocean you're standing in and realize your place in the big picture. over that bridge, everything is right. i live for summer. i wait for it every year from september until june. it's when i'm the happiest, because it's when i feel like i'm really me, like i can break out of my shell and still be okay. i rely on my summers to get me through all the crap in the other th

what good does it do to grow fonder over something or someone who can't be there? the feelings that result from that are usually not the...happiest...in the world. kinda a dick move on the part of absence, in my opinion.

"I know this is probably a stupid statement considering where we are at the moment, but holy sh*t, you look miserable." "My eyes are itchy and I can't stop sneezing. I think I'm allergic to something back there." "Allergic? Nah, it's probably just your body rejecting Shaw's." She laughed. "I'm serious," he said. "Would not surprise me at all. This place sucks." There were three carts behind the counter, one filled with brownie cookies and the other filled with ring cakes, all for a table to be set up in the front of the store. "So wait--you're closing tonight and opening tomorrow? That's f*ckin awful." "I'm not opening tomorrow. Susan is in at 5 to bake, and I'm in at 7." "Close enough. Honestly, if I was you, I'd be like f*ck this place. I'm not coming in tomorrow. I'm done. Go ahead, say it: F*ck Shaw's!" She laughs and says it quietly, almost loud enoug

Being in constant severe pain and not being able to tell your parents or doctor what's happening must really suck. The words and the emotions are there, but they can't come out. It's not your fault, it's just the way you were made. Man. Talk about frustrating. I feel for ya, kid...I don't know how you put up with it. If it was me, I'd probably be biting myself and everyone around me too. Hang in there.

humans are dynamic beings, constantly changing and adapting to various situations. no one can be the exact same person when they go to sleep at night as they were when they woke up that morning. but general personality traits should probably stay pretty stable from day to day. so if you're gonna be nice, then be nice. don't be nice for a day or two and then decide to switch it with an asshole card. i can't keep up. consistency. that's all i ask for, really.

Hope it was worth the trouble you went through to fake a 1st birthday just to get a $5.99 cake for free. Here's a tip: next time you try to get a promotional free "Baby's First Birthday" cake, don't ask the person taking the order to write CONGRATULATIONS on it. If you're gonna be cheap, at least get the freakin occasion right.

And especially to you, Dad. I am more proud of you now than words can ever express. Lovelovelove from my heart to yours. for those of you paying attention, my dad did not change his name to bruce. i don't know bruce. i just happened to write on his belated father's day cake. but i do hope bruce enjoyed his father's day as well.

When I walked in the room, they already knew my name. "This is Jenn too! Now there are two Jenn's in the group! And if the other Jen came in, then we would have THREE Jenn's in this room!" The three elementary school-aged boys tell me their names in a tangle of shouts and laughter. One jumps and claps. The two others are sharing a seat; one ends up on the ground and decides he likes it there instead. They are overly-energized and eager to impress any audience they might have. And you wouldn't know it at first glance, but they all have one important thing in common: each one falls on the high-functioning end of a developmental or autistic disorder. The two speech & OT therapists work patiently with the boys, paying close attention to and utilizing each one's strengths and weaknesses. They give constructive comments in areas that need work and give them much needed encouragement and praise when they succeed. They work with the boys on group & one-on-one

"i think if you care a lot about a person, it takes a very long time to get rid of the pain. who knows, maybe you can never fully get rid of it. but eventually, you'll convince yourself not to let it take you down. it all has to get better eventually... hopefully sooner rather than later."

You know what I like? Epiphanies. That one moment when the lightbulb flicks on in your head and all of a sudden you start making all these connections that seem so obvious now but were hiding before. When you finally start feeling like you're closer to figuring it all out. There aren't many feelings better than that. The past is old news. You can't go back and relive it. There's nothing you can do about it now except think about it, learn from it, replay it as much as you need to until you're satisfied. After all, everything that happened back then affects you right now to some degree. Good or bad, life-changing or insignificant, it's all a part of you. so when you finally sit down and think, think back, think back and really dig through the past to figure out the reason why you decided to find a shell to take cover in, decided to hide from the world under baggy clothes and big hooded sweatshirts and long hair in your face, decided to keep your thoughts and emot

In less than a week, I will be a senior in college. Weird. I have grown up. I've been an adult on paper for almost three years now, but now I'm starting to feel like one. It's been a tough ride getting here, and there are certainly times in my life that I would much rather not relive. But if I were given the choice, I wouldn't do anything different. I wouldn't change any aspect of the past 21 years for anything in the world. It's the people, places, and events in my life that have shaped me to this point. I am who I am today because of where I have been, for better and for worse--I like to hope the better outweighs the worse. And to the person who told me today that she was sorry she didn't do more to help me through the tougher parts--I want you to know that no one could have done it better than you did. You kept me grounded when I could have easily lost control. There aren't enough words to describe how incredibly grateful I am for all that you are, ha

I have this weird habit of referencing or quoting obscure things from the past. For example, the other day there was this giant cloud of doom over campus that looked like it was just going to open up and start pouring any second, so I started saying "Tut tut, it looks like rain!" over and over again. No one understood it until I explained the context in detail. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Zs7DDaNRMM A flashback to childhood every so often is kinda cool.

Yesterday I went for a run and noticed that the ear buds I have had hooked into my iPod for a while now have officially bit the dust. My roommate let me borrow hers and when I came back telling her how great they worked, she told me that I could find them cheap at Staples. Being the brilliant college student that I am, I decided this ear bud situation was an emergency (I sleep with my iPod on most nights and use it to block outside noise while doing work) and warranted an 8 PM field trip with two of my roommates to the Staples next to Target on Lincoln St. Twice, I took a wrong turn to get there--note that I've been to this shopping plaza millions of times before. I could tell you how to get there in my sleep. Both times, the wrong turn I was taking was in the opposite direction of Staples and would eventually lead me to I-290, which is the way home. Yes. I subconsciously attempted to kidnap my roommates and go home. Twice. Here's the thing--These past few days, I've gotten

I spent this past semester in my microbiology class looking up various information about the pathogenic organism Mycobacterium tuberculosis , the perpetrator of the disease more commonly known simply as tuberculosis, or just TB. One of the things I found out was that over 1/3 of the world's population is infected with MTB without even knowing it. Only 10% of those infected will ever begin to present symptoms of tuberculosis disease, but that doesn't mean nothing is happening--in fact, these little tiny bacteria set up camp in their host's immune cells, replicating over and over, creating proteins and virulence factors, waiting for their chance to break free and reach their full potential. recently, i came to a realization that i am just the same. By just the same, I don't mean that I'm a nasty microbe waiting to wreak havoc on some poor unsuspecting person's respiratory organs. What I mean is that I am constantly changing, feeling, evolving, thinking... and some